GemStone

Generic Recap of an otherwise awesome BHH...

2011-10-31T04:29:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, as is the norm every month, the bloggers were at it again. Well, some of them. Glad the skies didn't fall on us this time. We would have been furious.

The first time I attended BHH was the last time I was there first. It's tough being there first these days. When I got there, the crew had already settled in and a fair round of 'oohs' and 'aahs' had passed. Those were in relation to Tipsyalco(etc)'s new look. I too expressed my sentiments, and was heartily rewarded. Yes, she looked fabulous, but threats of her leaving early were relentless. Almost took the fun out of it. She's forgiven, for she stuck around for a while. Or was I the one that came very late?

Found Nev there, having a blast chatting about graphics and all. Rev seemed to be paying close attention, but gave up when he could no longer resist showing us his baby's pictures. The baby looks nice (don't they all?), but his daddy claimed to have had a hard time getting him to pose for the pics.

Solomon King and Rhino seemed like an unlikely duo. Seemed. But they got by splendidly. Sibo and Ivan shared a joke about their hairstyles. Seeing as I had a similar one, I found it mildly amusing.

We were visited by a sight, nay, two sights, once familiar but now redeemed by their presence at such an opportune time. Boy, was Walkonby a sight for sore eyes! The lady was seriously outnumbered. And after a long absence, Basiks turned up! He got a round of applause and hi-fives. Yep, it was good to see some long lost faces. Walkonby reminded us about the Mega-BHH we had talked about. She offered her place (for/as the venue). There was some debate about who should be in charge of the music. When Rev suggested he do it, there was a chorus of disagreement. It seems we're yet to catch onto Malian music. Same went for Nev. The idea of playing Hillsong music all night long was disturbing the peace of some. Case settled. Ivan won. I think that was because he made no suggestion whatsoever as to what sort of music he'd play. Clever. I think he whispered something about having an artist (artiste?) sing live. I think. So, all ye bloggers be warned. Mega-BHH coming soon (rumoured to be in early Dec).

I must add that for a great part of it, it was only guys. This event drew a hearty laughter from Nev. No need to imagine in what direction the general conversation drifted. If you know these guys, you'd know.

The 'regulars' absent ought to be ashamed. Really ashamed. Or else they stand to lose the prestigious title of 'regular.' And that's a wrap!

Green Lantern's Light...

2011-10-13T03:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is a review of the DC Comics movie 'Green Lantern' that I watched only last night.
For clear reasons, I avoided having to watch it in the cinema. I got a very clear (720p HD) copy. For those who don't know, it means this copy was so clear you'd see the sweat on a dog's nose!
Anyway, this is how it went down:

For starters, I began this movie at around 1am. I didn't dose off. A major plus.
The origin story is as cliche as they go, but the stunning visual effects did go a long way to cover that flaw. I think there was also a romantic side to it somewhere. Didn't surprise me, neither did it impress me. It seemed as though someone decided it would be nice to just fix it there. It didn't work.

As for the plot line... Ok, let me admit. It's tough to stretch this review.

Just as I was warming up to the movie, it ended! Just like that! It practically came to a screeching halt! That was an anticlimax to crown them all! In short, it had the potential to be a great movie, but it collapsed like a house of wet cards. The villain just wasn't 'villain enough'.

Maybe I just like the guy, but the presence of Mark Strong (Sinestro) helped the movie along. I think he has what it takes to give Hugo Weaving a run for the title of Mega-villain. (Mark Strong is the guy who played Lord Blackwood in Sherlock Holmes. He has that ominous voice, typical of the great movie villains.) He wasn't the villain in this one though. Sad indeed.

Well, apart from the awesome effects, there's not too many talking points really. Don't say you weren't warned.

Sucker Punch-ed!

2011-09-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I admit it wasn't the best idea to decide to do this, but there's so much I felt like saying that wasn't going to cut it in a 'mere' facebook status message.

Last night's movie in point was Sucker Punch. Despite the truckload of negative criticism attached to it, I decided to brave the movie. Brave it I did, for it was a tough test on my nerves. I can relax to the fact that it offered little to tax my mental faculties, seeing as I was rather exhausted by the time I started it. These are my findings.

First 5 minutes:
Found nothing wrong with the opening scene. At this point it looks like a sensible movie. The title sequence had me clap my hands in glee... Something about such movies and rain that just makes the whole scene tick.

Next 20 minutes:
Still not asleep, so I soldier on. Not having a problem with the soundtrack so far. And like the Russian accent. Hate the whole ballet thing. Then she 'dances.'

Some sort of Eastern temple. Old man offers advice, laced with corny quips. Amusing at first. Then the first battle. I'm impressed by the realistic tactics I notice in the fight, though I'm put off by the seemingly invincible sword. Two hits from those giants should have shattered that ka-sword. What's it made of? Vibranium? (Vibranium: fictional energy-absorbing metal. Used to make Captain America's round shield, and to power the Mark VI in Iron Man 2 - courtesy of wiki)

Hmm, so instead of watching some silly (and most likely erotic dance routines) we're treated to some awesome fight scenes?! Cool!

After an hour:
I gave up on following any story developments. Just waiting for the fights. The four items (around which the plot seemingly revolves) no longer bear any significance to me. And I'm also disappointed that the dragon died so easily. It must have had such a low self-esteem. At this point, I'm pretty sick of the old man's words of advice. Shoot him already!

At 1:14:05:
Fighting robots! Yay!!! This gets me seated upright. I like robots. Of course the ragtag band of soldiers comes through every mission without a scratch, but I can live with that. Though the robots put up a decent 'fight' it's the awesome sword-gun combo that does it for me. I've only seen that in video games. Ok, I think it would have been way cooler if it were a guy doing the shooting/slashing. But then again, it's a girls day out. So far, no girly cries so it's still ok.
Have been greatly enjoying the scenery.

Then, somehow the movie comes to a screeching halt! I run out of appropriate diss words before they even come out. Well, I can't say I didn't expect some disappointment.

In general, I managed to watch this movie while doing about 3 tasks simultaneously, so lost nothing in the way of plot. Of course I had to pay attention when the fighting started. Can't watch a fight and make an omelette at the same time.

I was admittedly impressed by the visuals and the soundtrack, only! In short, I agree it was a terrible movie. One I enjoyed watching. I did find the gems in the dirt.

UBHH Recap: Ain't no Sunshine!

2011-08-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

I must admit that, unlike all other days, this Thursday was filled with mystery. My ID had mysteriously vanished from the security desk at work. I tried to harass the guard into telling me what had become of it. But seeing that it would have caused me to go unusually late for BHH, I decided to finish it first thing next morning. I told him to prepare himself for my wrath. For those of you who don’t know, I hate losing my ID. Under what circumstances would I lose one? Well, on many occasions, it has been at the hands of guards. There, that’s enough history on that matter.

So, off I go, and get to Mateos just in time to hear the punchline of one of Johnny’s jokes. I missed a monumental event, I must say, for I rarely hear the punchline to his jokes. I’m sure I would have laughed as well, had I heard the ‘joke’ from the start. In strength was, as usual (big ups man!) Solomon King, Dee, Kampire (it had been a while), Jhny23, Mildred (a.k.a Tipsyalc..mob things), Rhyno, who I later came to learn actually has a real name. I didn’t learn the real name.

Of course I was asked where Nev was. He had given me his excuse beforehand, but as I was telling them he wouldn’t be able to join us, the guy comes ambling in! Imagine that! I’m never speaking for that guy again. Well, if I’d checked my phone as soon as I’d arrived, I’d have seen that he’d sent me another message (after the one telling me he wouldn’t come) that he’d changed his mind and would be with us after all. Still, who changes their mind like that? And for some reason, Jhny23 kept insisting that I should try the intestine. It was a cocktail. I didn’t. I must have cost him a bout of laughter, or a bet.

UHF joined the band soon after (oba before? Details are misty). Apparently, she has something in common with Kampire. I’ll ruefully regret having not exchanged any words with her. Not even a customary ‘hi.’ In my defense, she was a good distance away and didn’t do the customary round of greetings. She’s forgiven. Oh, UHF-Unidentified Hot Female.

Angela Kintu was in force too! And she has jokes! She had SK laughing uncontrollably, or was that just one instance? If was just one, it must have been a very long one. Lorac, new blogger from last time, came in fashionably late. Somehow, she had Rhyno give up his seat. I asked her why ‘Lorac’ doesn’t end in q rather than c. I thought a q would be cool. As in ‘Loraq.’ She said I probably didn’t get it. I insisted that I had got it. It was just a matter of c against q. I don’t recall who won.

Just as I was about to conclude that this was a night of breaking records, Streetsider showed up! That means that there’s a ULK rep at almost every BHH I’ve attended. Almost. And he represented well, though it was more like a cameo for such a highly anticipated ‘performance.’ Yeah, the guy looks and dresses like a star, so you can expect words like ‘performance’ and ‘cameo’ attached to him.

The night was full of surprises, but hardly any more delightful than the ‘sudden’ appearance of Di Ncy (Hope I spelled it right). I saw many faces light up on her arrival. Some of us even welcomed her back. It’d been like forever since she was last seen.

The night was going on well until someone asked (suspected in mid-stupor) who still blogs. You should have seen people! Haa, fellaz were quick to defend themselves, as in those ones who were guilty. Mbu Facebook, simanyi Twitter oba has done what to them? Somewhere, someone said Baz said mbu those things of writers’ block are wolox. How can you call yourself a writer when you can fail to write? That one put many hands on respective chins (and foreheads). Some hands went as far as putting themselves on other people’s chins! It was a deep question, but the general conclusion was that Baz is probably very talented to not have blocks. Tut tut.

As people were warming up to Di Ncy, it decided to rain on us. I don’t recall BHH being rained out, so there was a record! And I got home soaking wet…obviously, but with a strange smile on my face. For a funny reason, I find being in the rain quite relaxing, especially when I’m going home. This time, the song in my head was ‘Draw You Near.’

Brown Wednesday

2011-08-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

This is becoming more and more difficult. I didn't feel like red is really a good color for mid-week, but it's all about daring from now on. It wasn't so bad to begin with.
Now, for people like me, life doesn't get any easier when demands on your intellect increase without much financial promise. Honestly, I hate pressure without some sort of reward. And it's not like I owe them anything. However, that wasn't one of those times. I actually owed them this time, but I still wasn't enjoying the way they were going about it. And I told them as much, at least in my mind. The only words that came out sounded like, 'Please, give me some more time. I swear! I'm almost done!'
They believed me, so problem solved. At least for now. I am indeed almost done, but I'm not very good at demanding for stuff, even when it's rightfully mine. I've 'hired' a tough-as-nails law practitioner to teach me those skills. Make no mistake, this guy is far from soft! And this guy just loves to talk!

Then, at the end of the day, I decided to relax and unwind at a nice cozy spot. And a number of other people decided to relax and unwind alongside me at said spot. I didn't mind. They turned out to be a lively bunch. There weren't many jokes, but I think that's because some people find it hard to be amusing when it's chilly. Some people. I was firing on all cylinders until I realized that it's equally hard for said people to laugh under those same conditions. I fell back to one-liners.

The waiter kept coming to ask me for my order. I'd become pretty tired of it, but just to get on his nerves, I asked him for a cup. Yes, just a cup. He brought the cup. Then I asked him what good an empty cup is, and told him to hurry along and bring me a spoon. Spoon arrived pretty quickly too. I looked at him in disbelief! What am I to do with an empty cup and a spoon? I thought this was a coffee shop. As such, I thought coffee was the default choice of drink. He let out a deep sigh. You know, those long ones which show that you've finally understood something. Yeah, one of those ones. He did! I'm telling you! I also couldn't believe it had taken him that long. But what matters is that he finally brought the stuff. I thanked him so heartily that he looked back at me curiously. I bet he was wondering if I was actually going to pay for the stuff. I wasn't(wink). Why else would I be thanking him like that?

It was a lovely evening to end such a nervy day. And the coffee helped too. Oh, I had nothing against the waiter. The coffee was paid for. I just thought I'd humour myself, since my...um...table-mates had resigned from any more nonsense. I can always find humour when I need it, even if it has to come from 'unsuspecting' denizens.

P.S: This story is mostly fictional. I do not make fun of, tease, mistreat, or generally underate people working in important establishments. I don't. Really, I don't! Ask Edgar...

UBHH: Abduction

2011-08-05T01:33:00.000-07:00

Let me start this 'speech' as though I'm an MC. First of all, I'd like to thank all the ladies and gentlemen who managed to attend UBHH yesterday. It was nice to see some blog-faces once again. Both old and new, young and...well... old. I must say some regulars were missing in this picture but we somehow managed without them.

Yeah, due to popular demand, I got there a little late. I arrived with the world-famous Nevender. We were quickly forgiven. It does help to move with world-famous people sometimes. Then I was in for a shocker. Rev's a daddy! Yay! He and Detamble were showcasing their latest creation. I checked. Yep, Rory does look like his daddy and mommy. I would have asked questions if I had reason to suspect otherwise. Didn't talk much with Rory though. He was too busy basking in his mom's attention. Perhaps we'll chat next time. Rev was so happy (to see us or to celebrate his fatherhood) that he got us drinks! Thanks...

I wonder what BHH is complete without either Dee or the King. This one was complete, for they were both there. Then there was a white chick whose response to my 'hello' was to hand me a thingy. Now, I'm a fan of noble causes, but that was swift! I told her as much. I think she laughed. Anyway, I moved on and stood face to face with (according to my books) a legend. The awesome Angela Kintu. I told her that I'm a fan. She said something that sounded like she's read about me (or my blog). Hey! I was excited, so forgive the fuzzy details. At least she'd heard of me. I went away smiling.

Rhino was in force too, and seemed to be deeply engrossed in some activity with a friend, whose name I've forgotten. Come to think of it, parts of that night have inexplicably vanished from my memory. Well, there was Johnny 23 and Normzo, who were similarly engrossed, but I was forced to interrupt them as well. They forgave me, and continued after I was done interrupting.

There was a delightful lady who told me she's Lorac. I wondered. She told me it's just Carol spelled backwards. I grinned sheepishly. We got along quite well. There was also a friend of Carol's, sorry, forgot the name. I really need my memory back. This is unusual for me. He was very entertaining. And yes, another legend was present. Sleek himself! Who'd have guessed he'd also be among us? Shya! Of course I would have guessed!

We were later joined by Dorene ('artist' formerly known as The Antipop) and still later, by Ivan M, another legend. It was getting crazy.
Having missed about 6 BHH's, this one was a good one to come back to. Let's keep up the 'blogspirit.'

A guy in black suit and shades is handing me a folder about my 'debriefing' earlier today. Let me run through it.

Oh! Well, this is beyond disappointing. Today's 5th of August! I slept on Thursday night on 28th of July. Did I sleep for an entire week?! I read on. Yeah, apparently, my disappearance was reported by my (um, how do I not make this sound ridiculous?) 'friend' Amanda. Mbu I missed an appointment with her on Saturday. I never miss my appointments with Amanda! No wonder she knew something was up. The suits are still investigating, but they tell me to report as soon as I start recollecting the 'events of that lost week.' Yeah, I might need to know what else happened. And I'd also want to know how on earth I ended up with a van dyke!

I'm off to the barber's to get this hideous thing off my face.

Red Wednesday

2011-07-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing red shoes today, that's why I call it 'red wed' hehehe! Someone approached me on one of my lowest moments and advised me to 'add some colour to my life.' I'm doing just that. OK, I may have taken her a bit too literally, but this should be fun. I shall have colour-coded days. Like the Power Rangers. No, not like the Teletubbies. Even as a child, I detested those things. They always got in the way of Samurai X. I still detest them. My kids shouldn't be encouraged to even dress like them. As such, I should make a mental note to avoid those colours of theirs.

While I think of tomorrow's theme, I should catch you up on certain things. I had been deployed in the hottest corner of Uganda for quite some time and it's a surprise I didn't just evaporate on arrival. OK, it's not that hot, but it's pretty hot that side. In fact, it's so hot that tea never cools. I assure you! For as long as I can recall, my tea never cooled, not even once! You can imagine how hard it was to find cold water. You can't? What do you mean you can't? Of course you can! Try it. (Disclaimer: If I start to sound weird, it means the heat might have done a number on me. Fear not, for it comes and goes.)

Back to the colors. I realize I don't have many pairs of shoes, much less a colour for every weekday. So, find me wearing green shoes, don't imagine it's Green Sunday! It might be the hat! I don't wear hats much, but she said it wouldn't be easy. If you're wondering, no, she isn't monitoring my progress. If she is, that wasn't part of the deal. And if I find that I'm wearing way too many colours at once, I'll blame it on my over-enthusiasm.

I know, this isn't a major comeback from 'wherever I had gone and couldn't write from' but she's here to give me some pointers about 'adding a little spring to my step.'
(wink)

Give me a moment, please.

Kingdom Come...

2011-04-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

Hello blogren! Yeah, it's been too long but finally the dark clouds lifted. I can finally write again! On that note, I guess I can attend UBHH without feeling misplaced.
I have been doing a little reading lately. Not newspapers, actual reading. Ok, not magazines either. Inspirational stuff. Needed to be inspired.

So, I set about reading some comics. One storyline i found interesting is the title for my blog. This is the review:

The Joker kills a couple of guys at the Daily Planet, including Lois Lane. Sick, right? So, he's arrested and is to face trial, but some super-dude comes and kills him. The community at large is more than pleased to see the Joker wasted. For some reason, they don't tell us if Batman is one of them. Superman is furious, of course! Why would anyone kill the Joker? What happened to justice? What happened to the system? Why are they praising a murderous super-dude? I think he's jealous. Either that, or he's hurt that Lois Lane died, and the people are happy about it.
Anyway, he flies off in disgust to the Fortress where he spends the next decade pining over his great loss. The superhero community at that time also parts ways.

A decade later, there's hardly any difference between superhero and supervillian. They fight at will, causing death and destruction of property and so on... The humans now detest the superhumans (kyoka DC Comics can also be slow!). Superman gets over himself and seeks out a now aged Batman for help, but Batman refuses. He has his reasons. He tells him those reasons. Batman sets up a faction of non-powered heroes to police the threat. Lex Luthor also puts up a team. So does Superman, after extreme cajoling from Wonder Woman. Factions fight. Superman wins, eventually, as usual. Heroes lose their masks and live as acceptable citizens. Batman retires, and so does Superman.

Moral(s) of the story?

Superman was soaked in anguish and decided to abandon his hero life. He failed to realise that his presence was a sort of moral compass for up and coming heroes. The ideals he stood for provided hope for those he saved and worked with. His absence inadvertently caused the conflict. So, before you think you're worthless, remember that you mean the world to at least one person.

Let not your pain blind you to your potential! We can all be useful one way or another...

The life of a hero is not an easy one, but it's a useful one. If you're going to be a hero, it's a lifetime occupation, until you find someone to replace you.

(Feel free to add if you learned something I didn't!)

BHH: Re-cap?!

2010-10-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

I had never been the first man on the scene, so I thought it would be memorable. Indeed, it was, for I was shocked! As I wondered what had become of the 'brethren' the ever-friendly Lulu joined me in my wondering. So, as we wondered whether we'd missed some communication, we were 'saved' by the sudden appearance of Dante. Yes, he actually walked in like he runs this town. He even shooed away the bouncers with their ka-metal detector. And that wasn't the last they heard from him. We hurriedly put together tables and a few seats lest he'd turn on us, but being the generally calm guy, our fears subsided soon after. So, we sat down and he regaled us with tales of his days past.

A few laughs later, I caught sight of Tipsyalcophobic and her friend Victoria tiptoeing past us. They went inside. As I wondered why, my eyes fell on the 'sharply' dressed young ladies at the entrance. Then I stopped wondering, for I knew they were up to something.

The inglourious Baz came in (more like rushed in, like he had hell's hounds at his heels) and quickly took his seat. I guess he's taking this 'celebrity author' thing a little too seriously. As he settled down, he kept sweeping nervous glances around. His fears were confirmed shortly afterwards. Tipsy and Vic came running towards him. I think they fell into his reluctant embrace. They were saying a lot of things, but the most repeated word was 'autograph.' I learned that they were peddling his new book for him, and that he had ammased an impressive number of fans, mainly campusers. So, he signed a few books and let them go. The greetings came later; much, much later.

Then the good part, rather, the 'good' person came. We were told that she's Samalie. We believed it, even clapped with joy! She looked so prim and proper that for a while I was concerned about whether I'd greeted her right. My concerns were calmed by a sip of modified Coke.

Dante took a photo. The bouncers reacted to the sudden flash by walking to our table, complete with the furious, intimidating look. When they saw that it was Dante with the offending item, they softened on their approach. They begged him not to take any more photos. Said something about privacy concerns. He said he'd take a few more and that would be that. They were more than happy to agree to those terms. They left without further resistance.We listened to rantings about how politically incorrect Avatar was, the new law that considers a phone as a computer, and older ladies. Not necessarily in that order.
Yeah, we were missing a good number of regulars... Perhaps they'd taken the month off. Hope to see them next time.

Kudos to Tipsy, whose antics kept us glued to our seats when we felt like giving up. Her friend Vic kept fanning the flames, so she may share in the spoils. Lulu showed off her 'awesomeness' and Dante had to say his name a dozen times. You can ask him what that was really about.

Suddenly....

2010-10-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

I used to joke with my cousin Nev about how fun it would be to work in a telecom company. Well, it sounded fun at the time, since we would be in the much-publicized 'corporate world.' I wasn't totally right.

My fortunes took a crazy (and welcome) turn when I found myself being employed by a telecom giant. Hahaha... My 'dream' had come true! I looked up to the sky (of course, after I'd recovered from the shock) and thanked the Good Lord for this blessing. Then the realities set in. I lost many assumptions about the fantasy world I thought was 'corporate.' I was surprised to learn that people do seem to mind their own business. As such, that mentality gave me (arguably) the best blessing I could get out of the 'world,' my own dress code!

Now, as most people who know me will testify, I'm no friend of formal garb. Ties only end at those special functions, specifically a close friend's wedding, if I'm nice. I don't like tucking in, and I don't like those sharp shoes! Misonso, as they are fondly called.

I was told that since I'm an 'engineer' I'm expected to look the part. What more could I ask for? I had the bright eye of a kid on his first bike... So, I have not held back since my first day. Even the day of the interview, I didn't pull my punches. Great is the Lord indeed, for I have been wearing jeans, t-shirts, shirts and khaki slacks day in day out. So much so that recently I had to attend a farewell party of a close friend, and I almost couldn't find my formal attire! Some of my peeps wonder if I'm just kidding them. They should know better. I'm living the dream!!! Now, time to find a new dream. Here I come, Nev...

Wounded pride...

2010-06-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

Why didn't you just let me be? You had me cornered, helpless, and wide open. You could've dealt me the final blow and ended this, but why did you not? You would have saved me all this pain, not just physical, but also psychological. How could I have lost to you so easily? Did I rush into this fight without proper knowledge of my opponent? Did I misinterpret the signs? Perhaps I didn't think through my actions well enough. It's because you did something that strange it's got me thinking about that day ever since.

That day has forever been engraved in my mind and my heart. The day my adversary spared me from certain doom. The reasons are still basically out there, but I must admit that it was honorable of you. You are not as bad as I thought.

I almost thought it was because you had mercy upon me, but I learnt later that it wasn't the case. No, you're not that compassionate, otherwise we wouldn't have had this fight. You must be quite honorable to let me go like that. Anyone else would have relished a chance like that, and wouldn't have missed a beat in doing me in. This was different. You just looked at me and smiled. I thought it was ironic when I found myself smiling too, but it wasn't. I was caught off-guard by your hesitation. I failed to understand it, and you didn't care to explain it.

Is it because after all the battles I've taken part in, my heart has been hardened towards compassion for my foes. I never hesitate once I've raised my sword to strike. Whenever I'm in a duel, one of us has to remain standing, and that has always been me. No one has stood against me and lived to tell the tale. I don't have recurring foes, just new ones. In battle, I'm decisive. I move swiftly and slice surely. But this, this is unnerving. It goes against everything I stand for.

Nevertheless, you stand over me, your hand reaches out to help me up. When I get to my feet, you smile and walk away. I look down in shame and as I do so, I see something I hadn't seen all this time. In my hand, I hold a shattered sword...

The Wanderer: Pawn takes Bishop

2010-03-26T04:46:00.001-07:00

1540hrs - Alley behind Post Office.
Four men in dark suits and sunglasses. Odd. He expected six men. Where are the other two? One of the men steps forward. Slight build, 6"2' with hawk eyes. He has a peculiar tie pin. Golden with a green amber set in it. Leone Salgado.
"Eh, Bruce...Good to see you, finally."
"To what do I owe this disturbing pleasure, sir?"
"I'm here to make a proposition. I'm sure you won't refuse it."
"I'm not interested. Those days are way behind me."
"Yes, Bruce. But your skills are the best. Quite remarkable, yet unbelieveable. No one thinks there's a guy as good as you are in this 'trade' today."
Bruce shrugs.
"Just cut to the chase, Salgado. What does a high profile marketing manager want with a guy who spends his days playing video games and sipping Novida?"

A beefy guy in black suit hands him a parcel.
"Get back to me if you're interested. Same time, 3 days from now."
"Sayonara."

1700hrs - Quiet house on outskirts of city
Bruce stares outside the window, watching youth play, or rather, attempt to play the beautiful game. Their laughter rises and hangs in the air like a fragrant mist. Things he missed growing up. It reminded him of his time in Japan when....

(Encrypted Phone rings)
"Hello?"
"Did you see him?"
"Of course I did. He gave me the stuff. Said I should get to him in 3 days."
"Good. We'll have time for rest and relaxation. And I need you to do something small for me in the meantime."
"Anything for you, bro."
"Meet Janice. Take a load off. She's quite nice."
"Yeah, I could tell. Will think about it."
"You know you work too much. And when did you start taking that much Novida? It's non-alcoholic, you know."
"Yeah. I guess some habits just rub off. Learnt too much from you."
"OK. Brief me on the proceedings."
"As usual, Max. Later."

Max stands up from his workstation and walks over to the wall filled with newspaper clippings, red marker in hand. He goes to a particular photo and draws a circle over a face. Salgado, Leone Salgado...

Red March...

2010-03-22T05:05:00.000-07:00

After the events of 'the other,' he's less than pleased when she asks to see him.
What could this be about now? Ah, well... he makes the appointment and heads over there. Nothing extraordinary. A number of successive visits yield nothing more, until one chilly saturday evening.
He's tried and failed to make any meaningful conversation, so when she suggests they watch a flick, he's quite thrilled. They decide to watch some obscure epic movie. One of those can come in those obnoxious 100-in-1 discs. How he hates those things...

Ahem, anyway they watch the movie in near-total silence. She's lying on the carpet quite a distance away from him. So much for quality time. It seems he lost this fight long before it even started. He glances at his watch (9:45pm), then at the clock (9:42), then at the dvd timer (01:08:26). He thinks he'd better be on his way by now. After enduring for about 12 minutes, he resigns. There's no way he's going to enjoy this movie. He gets up and heads towards the door. She gets up, surprised, and asked what he's up to. He replies that he's leaving (in an indifferent tone). She asks why he can't at least wait till the movie ends. He claims to have figured out the ending, seeing that he's watched the plot develop. She whispers, "Ok."

He puts on his socks, then his shoes. He waves a goodnight to her. She almost responds. He almost cares. He turns and leaves, closing the door behind him. As he walks to the gate, a portion of dark ground peels away to reveal a pale yellow light. He gets to the gate. As he opens it, he turns around. She watches him from behind the steel and glass door, one hand holding the curtain, the other gently resting on the glass pane, a look of longing in her eyes. He turns and disappears into the night...

The Wanderer...

2010-03-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

0300hrs - Obscure room with lots of books.

"Max, listen to me, for I don't have much time left. You have to stay strong. No matter what happens to me, never think of life as unfair. Yes, things happen that are beyond your control, but you are made out of stronger stuff. Follow the map, it will lead you to where you need to go."

Knocks on the door turn into bangs, then hammering, and finally the door gives way. George is lifted harshly off the ground, where he was trying to shield his 4 year old son from the harsh claws of mercenaries.

The mercs leave a shaken Max weeping uncontrollably, amidst his father's screams of mercy. One of the thugs points his 9mm Berretta at young Max. Max is too frightened to even blink. Thug laughs, reaches into his side pocket and fishes out a shiny object. He tosses it at Max. Max makes no attempt to catch it. It lands with a pinging sound. Thug shrugs and walks away, leaving a tearful young Max staring into the distance, at nothing in particular. When he awakes from his trance, he heads over to where he thinks the object landed. After a short search, he finds it. A bit dirtied, but shiny nonetheless. He wipes it with his shirt and holds it up in the light. He can barely make out the shape of wings. He turns it round and the same image presents itself. He pockets it and cries some more...

20 years later...

1516hrs - Small restaurant in dusty suburb

Sun is blazing mercilessly, as though to discourage any and all daytime activity. The restaurant is just as warm. No air cons and the fans have long since developed cobwebs. She waits, still. Takes a sip of her Tusker and glances at the wall clock.
She's been waiting for 8 minutes, but it feels like an hour already.

She spots a guy walk in. Looking quite amused at the lack of activity in his favorite restaurant. He sees her, smiles sheepishly, and walks over to the counter.
Asks for an ice-cold Novida. He gets it promptly. He turns around and makes a beeline to the maiden in waiting.

"Black and green make quite a match, don't you think?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean our respective bottles. Your black and my green."
"Oh... So what's your point then?"
"I can bet that whoever you're waiting for will order a Tusker when he gets here, just to 'show' that you have similar interests."
"Actually, he does that a lot."
"Ah, where is he, if I may ask?"
"He's around. You should probably get moving."
"If i wanted to, I would have. But how can I return to a normal life after my cosmic state of balance has been so pleasantly interrupted?"
Eyes gleaming with pleasure... She smiles.
"Well, since fate has decided to entwine our strings of existence, we can as well make the most of it."

Phone rings. He answers. "Post Office. 20 minutes." Line goes dead.
He gets up and walks to the counter, says something to the bartender and returns a number of minutes later.
"Where were we?"

"You were about to tell me your name."
"Bruce."
"Janice. Nice to meet you, Bruce."
"I perceive it is a mutual pleasure. I need to go now. I'll keep in touch."
"I already have your number."

He smiles, nods, and walks out. She gets her phone and dials a number.
"He's on his way." She looks again at the photo in her hand...

Black Monday

2010-02-10T01:13:00.000-08:00

You'd think that when you have a certain level of interest in a lady, everything seems to point to her 'interest' in you as well. That wasn't so this particular day.

Being a holiday, he decided to go check on his 'lady of the lake' and try to progress in his quest to capture her heart. Sure enough, he finds her there. After the customary pleasantries have passed, they settle down to watch a movie.
Everything's going on smoothly until he decides to get up and go sit right next to her. But in that instant, there's a knock on the door. Enter Derrick. They hug, he sits next to her, still holding hands. In better/bitter words, 'the other.' She actually has a boyfriend! This kind of, well no, it actually throws him off-balance. And she knows it...

Desperate times call for...

2009-11-24T23:38:00.000-08:00

Grunts and groans. They can barely be heard over the din all around them. Every man seems to have his hands full, except these ones. Face on the dirt, all he can breathe is stale, dusty air. The smell of blood and sweat is thick in the air. He starts to feel delirious. His vision is clouding, all he can hear are distant, muffled sounds. Yet all that's on his mind is the task that still awaits him.

There's absolutely nothing intimidating about his nemesis. And yet the fate of two cities lies in his hands. He's a polite, well-mannered young man. However, it's not his demeanor that is scary; it's his skills.

There they are, two men in the midst of the chaos. One will rise, the other will fall. they've been at it for minutes, but it feels more like hours. Both men are incredibly skilled, yet this duel is more than that.

The situation seems grim. One is standing, the other is stooped, trying to clear his lungs of the blood caused by a series of blows to his chest. He's almost out of breath. The young man brandishes his sword. It's quite a masterpiece. Only three of its kind. The other is in the hands of his adversary. The third is in a museum. The man on the ground is in an unfortunate position. His is a broken sword...

(BHH Tomorrow!)

Of actors and puppets: Painted faces

2009-11-19T00:04:00.000-08:00

Time check: 8:30am. Gotta pick it up. Now, where are those new shoes she bought? Ah, she's found them. Rowdy little things, moreover on their first day of duty. These shoes and the lovely floral dress are sure to stop many a man in their tracks! She'll make it a point to waltz in a little late, just to cement the point. 'They have to notice me,' she thinks. Someone will have to make a move after they get an eyeful of this!

Time: 9:15am. Now, where's that watch. No, not the Casio. It's not for days like this. Today's Omega. Exclusive timepiece, this. One would surely stare in amazement. He'll don the striped long-sleeve, folded enough to highlight the jewel on his wrist. Deo's up and running. Coupled with Clarks, he's off. He's sure to make it in time. This time, they won't be taking him so lightly!

9:50am. Crowd's piling. Almost time for the showdown. Drat, didn't notice the bean-soup stain from yesterday's supper. Ah, well, who'll notice. We're all here for the same reason, right? There, a little scratch got the most of it off. Good thing these jeans don't show the stain. Eh, today people are looking so prim and proper, you could think God's going to roll-call!

10am. Showtime. Doors open. The masses pour in. Soul-enriching music playing. Really peaceful atmosphere, this. Just what everyone needs at this time of the week. Wait, how come no ladies are coming to sit next to me? I think I chose the wrong seat. Perhaps I should move. Ah, all hope is not lost, for here comes a damsel. Boy, does she look fine. This is going on well.

"Turn to your neighbour and tell him/her how wonderful they look." A few shy glances later, and things are ok. One barely manages to say the words. She shrugs, unimpressed. Boy lacks finesse. If you won't do it right, why bother? He seems to think she's being proud, so doesn't try again. He's admitted failure. Perhaps better luck next time. She wonders, "Are all these guys that slow? Can't they see? Whatever, it's their loss." Bishop advances.

"You look wonderful." Oh, finally, an artful brother. She smiles, gives him a once over, and is quite contented. This ought to get her through the day. Meanwhile, sounds coming from the speakers barely register in their minds. By the way, do you have a pen? She checks. Oh ****, she mutters. He's astonished, but hides it quickly, with the usual dashing smile. It's like he didn't hear a thing. Goodness, she's located the pen. She hands it over. Knight takes bishop.

She can't seem to get her elbow out of the guy's side. It's not like the place's crowded. She just seems not to mind it. Who can blame her? It seems the deo's already working its magic. Those ads actually have some truth. He tries to listen to the proceedings of the event. Queen pins bishop.

Suddenly, phone rings. He forgot to put in in silent mode. He loses points. Radio belts his tunes. Talk of bad timing. She looks at him with a frown on her face. There goes the glorious afternoon, or so he thinks. Ignores the caller, coz he's pretty 'busy' right now. Besides, getting out to receive a call now won't help his purpose. Queen pins knight.

After the close of the event, it's finally time to 'socialize.' That can't be too hard. The problem is how to chat freely without spilling the fish soup. So, he starts with the classic ice-breaker, "Praise the Lord!" She responds with the customary 'Amen' and they proceed to engage in fruitless light banter. He brags about various titles in as many fellowships. She grins, and talks of numerous overnight prayers attended, coupled with countless prayer meetings. I didn't know conversation could be so vain! Surely, is that the only way to talk to a christian lady? Bragging? At least they come to agree on something: each one finds the other extremely boring. Rook takes bishop. Check!

Meanwhile, Miss Peacock isn't having it any easier. Surely, someone noticed. But when it comes to building rapport, this guy is none the wiser. Whoever told him compliments go a long way to charming the fair ones probably left something out. All that's coming out of his mouth are compliments. The hapless chap is gobsmacked. Has nothing to say more than, "Eh, kyokka you're smart!" No wonder the brothers are labelled slow. It's the empty tins that make the loudest noise. These guys should be trained in the sacred art of rapport. She turns on her heel and leaves, in total disgust. How could she have dressed to 'kill,' only to be approached by only one guy? An incompetent one at that! Stalemate.

Ah, the best laid schemes of mice and men...

If you think clothes make the man, take him to a restaurant. Post me your findings. I will gladly applaud you for the results of your tests.

Same script, different cast.

Gods and Generals - Reinstate

2009-11-10T00:15:00.000-08:00

Adam sure did sell us cheap! Just a bite of fruit? He could've done better than that. That's a picture of how much we can lose in just a moment of carelessness. Why carelessness? Well, since time immemorial, guys have left their women to wander off unattended, only to reap the consequences. From here onwards, ladies stop blaming your guys for 'tight-marking' you. Anti you know how history tends to repeat itself.

So, Adam sold his rights to this earth to that snake and...well most of you know how that story goes. In short, our status as Generals was lost that day. We became mere paupers, at the mercy of the current landlord. Until about 2000 years ago...

The God amongst men decides to do what's necessary. Never send a man to do God's job. In short, he reminds the snake who's in charge. Snake gets the point, amidst stifled pleas for mercy, anti the God-man has his heel on the snake's throat. So much for the terrifying landlord. The bugger's a sucker when it comes to The Lord. So, He demands for the keys and the title deed, which he hands over peacefully, and the God-man walks off to begin his restoration duties. As a reminder, the snake is left toothless..

He said, "As many as believed in Him, he gave the right to be called children of God." And also, "I say, ye are gods, and children of the Most High."

TODAY

Apparently, were supposed to be gods. Well, not the gods that people come and sacrifice goats and chickens to as a way to get rich quick. No, neither the kind that demands worship and honour. NO. We are gods that are in authority over this earth, to multiply and subdue it. To be responsible custodians of this gift called 'planet earth.' Not behaving like those chaps in strikes who vandalize their own property! That means I tell that dog to stop chasing me for its own pleasure. Tell that mosquito to keep its malaria to itself, for I don't need it. The gods whose words have power and effect. Say it, and you shall have it. Indeed, to be gods among men, yet servants to our neighbours. Selfishness just doesn't fly. It never hurts to help every now and then.
I don't mean that they/we should be arrogant gods... Just be a human being who knows that the world belongs to us, not the other way around. Not to find ourselves chasing after mirages we call the pleasantries of life. We need things that last, things that stand the test of time. The rest is just stuff that gives some ease to our lives, providing some comfort.

We are in the world, but not of the world. Make the most of thine lives, all ye for whom the bell tolls. For one day, we'll face our Father and he'll wipe every tear from our eyes, or ....it's a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God.

We could have been generals, but we can be gods...

Heroes are born, but Villains are made...

2009-11-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

Ah, here we go again...

It's a common phrase that heroes are remembered after they have died. Quite true for most, until the advent of the 'superhero.' Then heroes started to live longer, and the cowards cheered them on, or got them to run strange errands. Who tells a superhero to rescue a cat stuck in a tree? The insolence!

Back to the gist of this charade...

Once upon a time there was a boy. He was the least favoured in school. Always picked on by the jocks because of his diminutive stature. Nevertheless, he kept creeping forward with his life, coz life at school was far better than that at home. Who wouldn't want a break from an abusive father and alcoholic mom? So, as an ordinary boy, he has a huge crush on the most popular girl at school. Of course he's had this crush since kindergarten. She just happens to be in high school now (A-level, if you will.) Jock knows Recluse loves the girl entirely, but tries to frustrate his every attempt to woo her.

All the recluse ever sees in his life is injustice. Nobody is bold enough to step up to the plate and bat the ball out of the field. For all he knows, everyone is a coward in their own right. But he knows he can be different. He can step up. His is not direct approach, but stealth, subtle in his dealings. Meticulous in his habits.

Surprisingly, the jock has similar parents. His dad is not only violent, but a perfectionist. His excellence in sports is just a front for his otherwise broken soul. He prefers that the people around him don't see his misery. But he's resolute. His determination is rock-solid. His heart unwavering.

At the last dance, it would be his dream to ask her to dance with him, and he almost does, until the handsome jock beats him to the punch. He's broken.

Fast forward, 10 years later...

One is a lawyer, the other a banker. Both are businessmen. None got the girl in the end. She left the jock for an older man. She married him for the money. Well, wasn't she a social climber? The older man banks with the banker, and the lawyer does his legal stuff.

You tell me who becomes the hero and who becomes the villain...

TO BE CONTINUED

Villains: Face-off

2009-10-15T02:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie to you...I love movies!! I hear you mumbling, "Duh! Who doesn't?" Are you done? Ok, let me continue.
I love certain kinds of movies, but today, Ima talk about ze action sci-fi genre.
Now, these are characterised by not-so-musclebound lead actors with lots of toys at their disposal. So, it's usually a battle of wits rather than brute strength.
I have learnt that in these flix, the villain makes the movie hot. I can hear the cogs squeaking as they turn in some brains. In simple terms, the badder (read suave) the villain, the better the flix, even if the protagonist is a half-wit.

Presenting three case studies:
Who can forget the enigmatic, ruthless, smooth operator known as 'Agent Smith' of the Matrix trilogy? Villainy can hardly have a better benchmark! Not just strong, but a schemer as well, to be dealt with by running away, not facing him.
I would be glad to have had the opportunity of fleeing from that guy!

There's the unforgettable, mysterious, happy-go-lucky, pragmatic Clown Prince of crime...The Joker (The Dark Knight). This one redefined the elusive villain. No brawn, all brain. The Batman sure had a hard time with this one. 'He can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with.'

But this year was the year of the Doctor/Cobra Commander (G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra). Man, that guy's demeanor is as imposing as it is terrifying. His cold, matter-of-fact voice was the killer! Such a green snake in the grass, indeed a symbol of lethal purpose, unseen until he strikes! Even if the movie were to lack depth, that guy's scenes were my favourite.

Of course there are others, but feel free to make you're own list. These are the ones who have my slice of the cake. For those in contention, it's not up for discussion.

BHH

2009-09-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

Finally, the event you've all been hoping not to come,
But it has arrived anyway. Be there.

Sigma 6: Bugandans

2009-09-17T03:31:00.000-07:00

Deep in the heart of Kampala city, rioters have it turning in chaos. Regal and tribal drama. Teargas and military police trying to sort things out. Sigma 6 lurks in a dark corridor in a city high-rise. Mission: Classified.

Duke: Alright men, this is what we were trained to do. Though it comes as a surprise, we are ever ready.
Captain: What's your strategy, Sir? These goons have covered all exits. This building is a death trap.
Duke: Well said, since two have lost their lives here in the past week. We shall not add to that tally.
Captain: Ok. (Shouts to soldiers) Prepare to drop in 3, 2, 1...

Troops drop from Workers House, onto the chaos beneath..All guns blazing.

Duke: Tango squad, I need you to cover my flank. Captain, take point. We're headed north to Crane Chambers. Delta and Bravo, follow Maverick for extraction of our asset in Mutaasa Kafeero. Rendezvous ETA 15 minutes. Go, go, go!!

6 minutes later...

Crusher: Captain, we're taking heavy heavy fire. Request support from Delta team.
Captain: How many casualties?
Crusher: Six, sir.
Captain: Soldier, you're being careless.
Crusher: Casualties are not ours sir. They're the opposition. Nearest hospital is 6 clicks due north.
Captain: Delta team is on its way. And for Pete's sake, use suppression darts only.
Crusher: Roger. Over and out!

Meanwhile...

Maverick: Duke, asset is not at the extraction point. I repeat, asset is not at extraction point.
Duke: For how long has she been AWOL?
maverick: We don't know, Sir. We estimate about 2 minutes. Lots of rocks here. We think she ran for cover elsewhere.
Duke: Find her!

Captain: The riot police is interfering with our mission.
Duke: Patch me through to HQ.

Patches him through...
Duke: HQ, this is Duke, commander of Tango team, Sigma 6.
HQ: What's your status?
Duke: Local riot police interference with operation.
HQ: Authorization denied, non-responsive. Evacuate immediately.
Duke: Didn't catch that last statement. Over and out.

Captain: So, proceed as planned?
Duke: Aye.
(Sigma 6, all teams, this is Commander Duke. Local law enforcement has denied us authorization for our search and rescue. Citing conflict of interest. I'm not going to lie to you, but the rioters are armed to the socks. But it will be a cold day in hell before I leave my Baroness behind.

Ditch the suppression clips. We're going in hot. Shoot hostiles on sight, don't take prisoners, and don't become one.)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Blissful Trip

2009-09-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

I live in Kiwatule. For the learned, this means that when coming from town, I'll inevitably have a stop-over in Ntinda before I can proceed. And that has been the trend for a while. Usually, there's nothing extraordinary about my journey, until yesterday.

It is rumoured that some guys are of such exceptional skill that they can chat up a total stranger of a lady and have her give them her phone number within three minutes. I once managed in around 20 minutes, so I'm a long shot from these 'legends.'

So, I get into the taxi, all loaded with Ipod and poker-face, when a belle gets in and seats herself next to me. Now I know the limitations of space in the back seat of a taxi, but this lady sat a little too close for initial comfort. I was gobsmacked. I hardly heard myself mutter a 'hi' and I'm not sure if she responded. Anti I was wearing earphones. But i saw her smile at me in response.

She seemed to prefer to sit with her body facing me, rather than the dude at the other end of the seat. I thought it had something to do with the eyeful of a profile that my face possesses. Her arm was on my arm, her knee on my knee, my eyes fixated on...the buildings that we kept speeding past. I couldn't help laughing at myself for being in thi position, yet being unable to act. I was truly and completely confined.

Some moments are just to be enjoyed while they last, however short they may be. Anyone who knows better is certain that the trip from Ntinda to Kiwatule barely lasts 10 minutes. Had it not been for the song I was listening to being so captivating, I would have certainly made a move...away from that seat. no offence really, but I'm just not good at talking to pretty ladies in a taxi.

Some guy who didn't know better once did that, moreover from town to Bweyogerere. Kati, the madam was really laughing at his jokes, complete with the fabled shoulder tap. The guy thought he'd struck gold. She, of course got out before him, in Kireka, smiled at the conductor and waved at him. He, obliviously, waved back. On reaching Bweyos, the guy gives conductor his 1k, to which the conductor retorted,"Eh, ate ezooli omukyala?" The guy wonders. Conductor reminds him of the lady he waved to.
It strikes him like a Muhammed Ali punch, straight to the temple. He's down for the count. He's been had! Sad thing is that his travels were on tight budget, so that meant no supper, no breakfast, and footing most of the way to town the next day.

I'm not saying I wouldn't part with a mere 300/= for such a belle, it's just not my style. We got out at the same stage. All hope was restored, but i thought better (or is it now worse) not to say anything apart from:

Me: Hi.
She: Hi.
Me: Welcome back. It was quite a trip.
She: Yes it was. What are you listening to?
Me: The sweet voice that sounds like a heavenly symphony.
She: (Chuckles) Why, thank you.
Me: You're welcome. Well, have a good night.
(We had reached a crossroads. We had to part, no matter what)
She: I wonder if...
Me: If it's meant to be, it will be.
(Curtains fall. Applause from crowd.)

Curious Derision..

2009-09-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

I don't quite understand the logic of this whole thing. Why the charade? I met a lady I once...er..anyway, I met this lady and, for all pretences, decided to unearth what she had been up to lately. She smiled curteously and claimed nothing much was happening.
I snickered. She countered by asking me why i had chucked her. That, right there, is where my problem is.

I mean, why wonder? Couldn't you have just called, or texted? She had to wait till she finds me (unexpectedly, of course) to put the blame of silence on me? We have
each other's contacts. It's not like when I buy airtime for 2k, I'm given 6k! We both share airtime honours. What thou loadeth, that ye shall receive, mais non? And why do they go for that one first? There must be a shortage of opening lines these days. Even someone you barely know will remark on how lost you are, or how you've chucked them.

Of course it varies depending on who says it. I was in a video library once, and the lovely lady there thought I looked familiar. I shrugged. She couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me where she'd seen me. I got my flicks and bolted. I was there again on an excursion some weeks later, find her there again, and she does the inevitable. "Hi, as you're lost." I almost counter with my personal favourite, "Really? Am I in the wrong place?" I fight off the temptation like a seasoned pugilist. How I wish that scenario had played out differently.

Perhaps I'd walk in, then she'd look up, into my gleaming eyes, and step forth into my waiting embrace. Then I'd tell her how I was in the area and decided to drop by 'to see if there are any new movies.' It's partly true. At least that's what could have been.
Well, since she notices that I've been lost, I think I should take her seriously...and find another library!

I wonder if my memory's failing, or I acquired celebrity status. I tend to meet a lot of people who know me, but i know zilch about them. And most of them are pretty ladies. You know, they smile and wave, flick their hair back, and all that girly stuff. One day, I will surely capitalize on the opportunity. We'll have a wholesome chat, laugh, grin, and then maybe I'll remember their names. Curious and curiouser.

I'm starting to collect possible responses to the phrases 'as you're lost' and 'some chucking' and so far this is what I've come up with. Feel free to add:

1. Perhaps there's a good reason, and I intend to keep it that way.
2. Waah! You're the one who's guilty!
3. Didn't you get my message?
4. I called, but you're line was busy. (Works every time!)
5. Anti you know, credit crunch.
6. Me?! I can never chuck you. I swear. (For the paranoid.)
7. (Silence, followed by..) Hmm.
8. Hmm..munange.. (Just that, then quickly change topic.)
9. Same to you.

Well, you can fill in the 10th, and send to me for marking.

Disclaimer: The views expressed are pure in nature. Any variations/impressions incured are entirely the responsibility of the reader.

Game, set, match!

2009-08-28T01:03:00.000-07:00

I thought I had it in my five... I couldn't have been more wrong. 'The girl is bad... The girl is dangerous.'

The is the fabled 'green snake in the grass' that girl. She did things i thought
couldn't EVER happen to me. Well, it's true that time and chance happeneth to them all.

She almost made a hero out of me. Needless to say, she quit while I was yet an antihero. Now that's all I'm going to be, as far as she's concerned. But then, the best is yet to come. Though she may have won the battle, the war is far from over.

Villains: Anti-hero

2009-08-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

And now, our much anticipated broadband internet faces further delay! This is somehow expected of the administration in charge. Imagine ours apparently cost three times as much as Rwanda's, for the same length of cable! This is preposterous!

Leaving that for more incensed Ugandans, there's a saying, "There's nothing new under the sun." I believe the great king Solomon said that, but he must have meant that history repeats itself. You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain.

Pres. Richard Nixon was a revolutionary, a respected and much admired man, one who turned around the US economy, dealt aggressively with racial segregation in schools, controlled prices, and all kinds of heroics that earned him local and international acclaim. That was until the Watergate scandal. That turned out to be his 'Delilah.'
Such a long 'fall from grace' it was, the people could hardly believe it.
But so strong was the press that they 'pressed' a resignation out of him.
He was later pardoned...

Watch out for our next villain.

Villains

2009-07-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

Every morning, when I read the papers, I can't help but think our country has a very formidable brood of villains. People are buying high-end SUVs while Teso starves.
Even if they had planned to buy them all along, they could have at least waited till the famine abates.

Then there's all the scam artists running around. They all have similar catchphrases.. "Want to make easy extra cash?" or "Need a well-paying job?" and so on. Why do people keep falling for the same tricks? People are entitled to their opinions.

I hear a whole town council fell for one clever scam. That was hillarious. Residents and authorities alike fell for it.

I wonder when our hero will arise. Whenever that is, I'm sure it will be at the precipice of this spiral towards anarchy.

Project: Stingray (Part 1)

2009-07-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

Looks like I got a new hobby over the weekend. I now officially love swimming! It wasn't my first time, but it sure felt like it. The last time I had tried, I hadn't really succeeded.

Anyhow, this time around, I went with a trainer and 'cheerleader,' so i was being yelled at and shouted at. It was comforting.

I thought it was as obvious as it looks when I watch other people do it. I was almost right. I didn't consider the fact that having 3 instructors could complicate things further.

When you look like you're in a plight of sorts, it's amusing how people come to your rescue, each giving advice that's contrary to the other's. So, I tried each of their theories, but it's the 3rd guy's stuff that seemed to cover more groud (er..water).

Needless to say, in 30 minutes, i was as good at swimming as a dog. I hope to upgrade to a better mammal next time... perhaps an otter.

Attempted failure

2009-07-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

For a moment, I thought I was gazing at the sunset. So awesome, so tender. So gentle and soothing. A reminder of all that's good in this life. And then, suddenly, she stood up.

It was then that I realised the futility of my planned 'ambush.' Now, the golden rule in approaching a lady is to do it within 3 seconds. That way, you don't have time to change your mind, or hesitate. She was fifteen seconds out, So you can guess what happened.

Anyway, I tried to be as bold as i could, but her beauty was/is breathtaking. I thought my heart was in my throat and my tongue had retreated to my gut.

I think I gasped, "Hi." She flicked her hair to one side and said, "Did you say something?"

I: I didn't. I just gasped.
She: Why? Is there something wrong?

I: As a matter of fact, there is.
She: Well, what is it?

I: I think it's a little unfair for all the beauty in this building to be concentrated in one body.

She: (Chuckles)
I: Yes, you guessed it. Hers.
She: Whose?! (Sounding somewhat distraught)

I: You didn't think I was talking about you, did you?
She: Of course not. (Liar!)

I: Very well then, it's been real nice praising another woman before you. But, you look very pretty yourself too.

She: Is that consolation?
I: I hope so. You may not find it anywhere else.

She: 'Hysterical laughter' I see you're trying to be funny.
I: I doubt that. Looks like I succeeded!

And then we exchanged contacts (not lenses), just like that. I bet she went home bragging like a peacock. I now know that sarcasm wins, every time!

Gods and Generals- Part 1

2009-06-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

I was at a well known local amusement park recently. I was surprised I could enjoy some of those rides at 'this' age. It later occured to me that adrenaline rushes are no respecters of age! I found myself screaming like a child, and had the joy of watching full grown men and women also screaming like little girls..

Funny thing is, the little girls weren't party to the screaming. They were too busy crying their hearts out..

Alright, enough of the lollygagging; Ahem!

One is a gift, the other a rank.

One is a state of being, the other a being of the state..

I would rather be the one, than be the other...

One is original, the other a copy....

One is absolute, the other subjective...

The ability to look into situations and see their outcome, as well as have some control and ability to determine the outcome...now that's something I'd like to do regularly.

To be continued....

Biting the hand that feeds you...

2009-06-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, but I just had to talk about this..

What's with all the people eating pastors alive over 'allegations' of unbecoming behaviour? Here are some thoughts..

1. If you're foolish enough to give in to fleshly desires, don't be careless enough not to cover your tracks.

2. Sometimes journalists and the public have a short memory of religious leaders' track records.

3. You are bound to become famous overnight by being tagged as 'gay.' This also works for your accusers. it could as well be a win-win situation.

4. God and the Gospel can defend themselves. Why do you think the Bible is still the world's best seller up to now?

5. It should be declared illegal for church leaders to wash their dirty linen in public. The Bible actually discourages such behaviour.

There should be some level of commitment and loyalty exhibited by the christian folk, and not just throwing useless comments here and there. It's not about who's right or wrong, but the reaction garnered by the masses about such a trivial issue.

Sayonara to all the pretenders, and Hurrah to the loyal..

N.B: The views expressed are not necessarily the views of the writer or readers. They are just thoughts.

About the rich dude..

2009-02-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

Stories have been told of the exploits of the 'coloured folk'....I'm not talking about guys who own a Mercedes or a Range Rover. I'm talking about guys who own a FLEET of luxury rides..Guys who have that other kind of money.. Guys who have...'giraffe money'. I mean, how rich can you get? A guy has 3ooo acres of land and 2 giraffes? I can barely keep a dog! It's almost unfair to know that one guy can own one third of Buganda... and leave the no-gooders haggling about the rest of it. These guys think bargaining is only done by hostage negotiators.

That's just the kind of role model I would like to have. Imagine having a gold plated bathroom, and you are labelled 'filthy-rich.' Come to think of it...it actually makes sense!

Some of these guys think the credit crunch is some kind of cereal...

These guys can even afford to wear whatever they like...and have half the world trying to emulate them!

Some people wear gold accessories, but these guys have golden dining tables, golden cutlery, golden phones, golden bank accounts, you name it. Everything they touch turns to gold.
I wonder if all that money can really buy happiness and trust...

AHH...It seems vain, but my time will soon come... As for me, I'll have 'dolphin money.'

Lost in Translation

2009-02-03T09:38:00.001-08:00

I've always been wary of people who talk too much.. Frankly, they take too long to put their pooint forward, simple as it may be. To make matters worse, they assume that the first language they used was a bit too hard for you to understand.. so they decide to translate for you. Normally, I would appreciate the effort, only if you are using a language I can't even construct a sentence in.. Kind of like selling you a car, and the tires separately.

Now, this fellow accosts me and tells me, "Kati, now, i need you to tolerate with me peku town, anti this journey is insobokable without your giganormous input." and a couple of other things which evaded my conscience. So, I told him, "You woke up, and somehow miraculously expected to find me and have me accompany you on your errands, and even fund your journey?! You have a lot of nerve!" To which he replied, "Anti the guy I want to spot has my stuff naye he banje's me.."

Freedom of X-presh'n

2009-01-21T02:56:00.000-08:00

Usually, there's so many ways to go about it. But for most, when angered by a certain situation, will choose to express it with a word. Actually, this word could mean a verb, noun, place, person, etc. I'm yet to figure out why these words are always restricted to four letters... Is it coz of the fact that when one is infuriated, their overall intelligence drops by that much? I mean, how often do you catch a guy, when mad, saying, "this whole thing has de-stabilized my mental faculties," or, "I'm really furious about what that oaf has just done."
Instead, you hear things like, "She's pissing me off; I'm *@#*ed, or this guy's trying to *&$# with me. (Due to the nature of the writer, the supposed phrases could not be clearly expressed. But if you have even half a brain, you should follow!)
Personally, I'm a lot more sophisticated than that. In the same scenario, I would say, "Someone at work is getting on my nerves. If this persists, I'll be forced into taking serious measures to ......." and I threaten doing what I don't really intend to do..
I like 'Everybody hates Chris' especially Rochelle, who threatens to 'shove her feet so far up one's behind that they'll have toes for teeth!'

Let me go tell off this scoundrel who thinks he can sell me 2k airtime at 2500/=....

Never too late..

2009-01-16T06:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess my first post should be about my very first experience with real-life bloggers at BHH! How, like superheroes, even bloggers have alter-egos. I just don't quite know who's the real person and who's "just the pretty face." For now, I have only kind words. I was good meeting B2B, Detamble, Jackfruity, Rev, Johnny23, Darlene, and so on. I won't expose my weakness in names yet, but I won't forget those faces.

It's kinda hard to find something to talk about in a meeting of the 'blog-minded'. I must say it wasn't disappointing. Hope to be more regular in times to come... In the meantime, 'Adios, amigos!'