Tuesday, October 23, 2012



A term referring to people dressed in well-tailored suits or tuxedos, such as businessmen, capitalists, or government agents.
Surely, at some point in your life you've encountered one such type. What? You haven't? Well, that's a shame, seeing as you've missed the chance to be 'hosted' by a largely arrogant and self absorbed man. It sounds like good riddance, but these guys are more amusing than you'll want to admit. Sure, most of the time he'll be bragging about what he can do, and what he might do for you if he's in a good mood (read: if he's paid well enough). Then he'll talk about his status as the alpha wolf in a city of mere dogs. And how his skill and style are unparalleled, and how if he's on your side, you'll never have to worry about anything. Eh! These guys can brag!

Spend enough time with a suit, and you'll start seeing the world through their lens. Then you'll start behaving like them. But that's if you can set aside your moral dilemmas. These guys are about efficiency. Getting the job done, no matter what happens, or to whom it happens. And leave the 'boohoo'ing to someone else. Life is short. Win or lose, you move on.

Well, if you ever wanted a representation of success, these suits sure look like it. Expensive clothes, cars, swanky apartments, the whole nine. I mean, who gives a millionaire a car as an impromptu gift? Just because he feels like it? And then he brushes it off like it's nothing. Well, it's 'nothing' really, just a show of good faith between them. 

Now, tying a suit down in a relationship is akin to skinning a rhinoceros with a toothpick. It's like they are averse to serving only one master. Sure, they can be loyal to you, but they shall not serve you. To them, such mergers are good when they are profitable, but will be cast out as soon as they are no longer useful. This is the sort of man to whom a woman will never successfully tell 'we need to talk' with the intended results. In fact, you don't even get the luxury. They can tell when the heat's coming and just snuff out that little flame. 

Once in a while you see a glint of humanity in them, the kindness that you know resides in everyone. Sometimes, they step out of their comfy bubbles and do some things like ordinary people. But those are extremely rare occurrences. My advice? They are just about as shallow as they look. There is no bright side, good side, soft side, or other side for you to see. If you don't see it, that's because they won't let you see it. And coaxing them will only push them further away from you. Who are you to push the alpha wolf around?

Still want to hang out with a suit? Well, find the nearest one, and have a blast, because these guys sure know how to spoil their friends! 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Missing Link... Part One

Boy, does a soda run out really quickly when you're waiting for someone! I should have ordered for something stronger, considering what this 'appointment' is all about. I should have known when she set up this appointment that things would get quite serious. I took the chance and said I had something to tell her as well. This was hastily put together, but at least I got to pick the venue.

And then she arrives. I can detect a scent of lemon and strawberry, but that may just be the icecream she's eating. There's also a hint of urgency with just a touch of foreboding. And strawberry. I think I'm smitten all over again.

I finally remember to get up, smile and pull out the seat for her. We hug first, but it's one of those hugs you wish you hadn't (hugged?). We almost just fumbled about it. Anyway, she takes her seat, and I take mine. A little while later (about an hour, she's talkative!) we get down to business... I shoot first.

"It's always nice to hang out together like this. You're really good company."

"Oh? Wow! Coming from you, that means a lot. Glad you feel that way."

"Aww shucks! Er...so, I was wondering...You're a very interesting lady. You're sweet, thoughtful, smart, gentle. I like a lot about you. In fact, I like you and... would you be my girlfriend?"

"Well, that's sweet! I like you too, but not that way! I think of you more like a brother. Why would you spoil our good friendship? Can't we just be frien...."

"Ah, no! No no no no no!"

"What? Why are you overreacting?"

"I'm not. But just don't play that card, dear."

"What card?"

"The 'let's just be friends' card. I know, you have the 'best' of intentions, but what I hear is 'just continue being nice to me and in return, I'll offer you nothing but a smile!'"

"But I value your friendship and ....."

"Oh, really?"

"Duh! Why not? I mean, you're the nicest guy I know."

"And she says it! Have you never read that 'nice guys finish last'? And you call yourself my friend. Yes, you are, but we've crossed the Rubicon."

"The what now?"

"There's no going back. I have crossed the line. I'd rather die, theoretically, than live without you. If I can't date you, I can't stay by your side while some other guy does something I didn't."

"But you've done enough!"

"Clearly, I haven't."

"Ok, now you're just being childish."

"Perhaps, but I know when to move on when my dreams have been crushed. But let me ask you this. Do you girls think that the average guy is so gifted in foresight that he can attempt to have a relationship with you, which you will kindly reject, and fall back to (best)friendship, which was his original plan all along?"

to be continued...

Friday, March 23, 2012

I met a girl... (Aptly named, huh?)

Every once in a while, someone gets to the point where they have to rearrange their priorities. I reached such a point last week. It all began when I met this girl...
Hahaha, no! It's not one of those (awful) 'boy-meets-girl' kind of story. Yeah, you might argue that it is. I'll let you argue until I feel comfortable enough to join in.

As I was saying, I met this girl. this girl believes I can do things I'm not sure were even possible. She is convinced that I am awesome, nonetheless, and as such have a great future ahead of me, should we enter some sort of partnership. Aha! I knew it! There had to be some catch. Now i wonder what's in it for me. This sort of situation looks familiar. Case in point: LXG - the part where Allan Quartermaine is being recruited. They tell him his country needs him and they can't possibly win without him, blah blah blah. Strangely, that card usually works! Is it something about telling a guy he's much needed and how the world would be so lost without him?

This girl wants me to teach her a skill I haven't perfected. I know lots of tricks using various software, but I hardly think of myself capable of teaching! I can explain a few pointers here and there, but honestly, I can't teach! I do not have all the patience, and word has been said that I'm not good at explaining things either. So, I'm stuck with a hopeful student and no game plan. Hmm.. Perhaps I should draw up one.

Step one: Keep the relationship professional. Do not, under any circumstances, accept to be paid in kind.

Step two: When you explain, look at her eyes, not her chest area.

Step three: Speak in monotone. It will go a great distance in maintaining composure, and occasionally provide comic relief when student looks dissatisfied with your teaching method.

Step four:  Make sure you go for drinks after she's learnt some things. You know, to make sure she's alright.

Step five: If any of the above steps fails, improvise!

I hope I'm sufficiently armed to deal with any surprises that may arise. Oh, and she'd better pay cash!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

UBHH Recap: New Look

For those that are not sure, Uganda Bloggers' Happy Hour (UBHH) is a bloggers meet that happens every last Thursday of the month. Yesterday was the last Thursday of Feb, so it went down at Mateo's. I arrived at the scene to find Darlyne, Mildred and Dilman already settled in. Not bad, I thought. I hadn't seen these faces in a while. After our hearty hellos (these folks sure know how to welcome kindred spirits), I got to take a seat and take in my surroundings. Mateo's now has steel barristers. Before, they were not made of steel. Looked a lot like rope. They also have straw chairs and tables! The place looks funkier. They still don't let us take photos though, apparently. They still have those beefy guards at the entrance.

Well, we were soon joined by Caesar. I'd never seen him before but he seemed to be a crowd favourite. I got to learn why moments later. By this time I had a smile on my face. The second BHH I've attended without a ULK rep? What happened? Solomon King joined us later. He exchanged one of those greetings with Dilman. You know, those ones of 'So you're the one! Great to finally meet you' type of greeting. We had settled down by then. As you'd expect in meetings such as these, we discussed our work. Then we went on about trends, CGI, photography, fashion, series and movies, and possible collabos. No, not the musical ones. Not the hostile takeovers either; just collabos. Perhaps Mildred and Dilman are going to sing a song together. People have all sorts of passions, I tell you. When a couple of guys started talking about cameras, I was amazed. It’s always refreshing to hear someone talk about something they know well. They almost convinced me to take up photography myself. I’m still thinking about it.

These blogger meetings keep getting better. I got a chance to get a great movie that I’d heard about just recently. I’m not sure what the others got, but they can speak for themselves. As for those that missed, we are a forgiving bunch. In fact, we are so forgiving that there is no beef for anyone. That’s as a group. Personally, I’m putting a bounty on Jhny23’s head.