UBHH Recap: Ain't no Sunshine!

I must admit that, unlike all other days, this Thursday was filled with mystery. My ID had mysteriously vanished from the security desk at work. I tried to harass the guard into telling me what had become of it. But seeing that it would have caused me to go unusually late for BHH, I decided to finish it first thing next morning. I told him to prepare himself for my wrath. For those of you who don’t know, I hate losing my ID. Under what circumstances would I lose one? Well, on many occasions, it has been at the hands of guards. There, that’s enough history on that matter.

So, off I go, and get to Mateos just in time to hear the punchline of one of Johnny’s jokes. I missed a monumental event, I must say, for I rarely hear the punchline to his jokes. I’m sure I would have laughed as well, had I heard the ‘joke’ from the start. In strength was, as usual (big ups man!) Solomon King, Dee, Kampire (it had been a while), Jhny23, Mildred (a.k.a Tipsyalc..mob things), Rhyno, who I later came to learn actually has a real name. I didn’t learn the real name.

Of course I was asked where Nev was. He had given me his excuse beforehand, but as I was telling them he wouldn’t be able to join us, the guy comes ambling in! Imagine that! I’m never speaking for that guy again. Well, if I’d checked my phone as soon as I’d arrived, I’d have seen that he’d sent me another message (after the one telling me he wouldn’t come) that he’d changed his mind and would be with us after all. Still, who changes their mind like that? And for some reason, Jhny23 kept insisting that I should try the intestine. It was a cocktail. I didn’t. I must have cost him a bout of laughter, or a bet.

UHF joined the band soon after (oba before? Details are misty). Apparently, she has something in common with Kampire. I’ll ruefully regret having not exchanged any words with her. Not even a customary ‘hi.’ In my defense, she was a good distance away and didn’t do the customary round of greetings. She’s forgiven. Oh, UHF-Unidentified Hot Female.

Angela Kintu was in force too! And she has jokes! She had SK laughing uncontrollably, or was that just one instance? If was just one, it must have been a very long one. Lorac, new blogger from last time, came in fashionably late. Somehow, she had Rhyno give up his seat. I asked her why ‘Lorac’ doesn’t end in q rather than c. I thought a q would be cool. As in ‘Loraq.’ She said I probably didn’t get it. I insisted that I had got it. It was just a matter of c against q. I don’t recall who won.

Just as I was about to conclude that this was a night of breaking records, Streetsider showed up! That means that there’s a ULK rep at almost every BHH I’ve attended. Almost. And he represented well, though it was more like a cameo for such a highly anticipated ‘performance.’ Yeah, the guy looks and dresses like a star, so you can expect words like ‘performance’ and ‘cameo’ attached to him.

The night was full of surprises, but hardly any more delightful than the ‘sudden’ appearance of Di Ncy (Hope I spelled it right). I saw many faces light up on her arrival. Some of us even welcomed her back. It’d been like forever since she was last seen.

The night was going on well until someone asked (suspected in mid-stupor) who still blogs. You should have seen people! Haa, fellaz were quick to defend themselves, as in those ones who were guilty. Mbu Facebook, simanyi Twitter oba has done what to them? Somewhere, someone said Baz said mbu those things of writers’ block are wolox. How can you call yourself a writer when you can fail to write? That one put many hands on respective chins (and foreheads). Some hands went as far as putting themselves on other people’s chins! It was a deep question, but the general conclusion was that Baz is probably very talented to not have blocks. Tut tut.

As people were warming up to Di Ncy, it decided to rain on us. I don’t recall BHH being rained out, so there was a record! And I got home soaking wet…obviously, but with a strange smile on my face. For a funny reason, I find being in the rain quite relaxing, especially when I’m going home. This time, the song in my head was ‘Draw You Near.’

Brown Wednesday

This is becoming more and more difficult. I didn't feel like red is really a good color for mid-week, but it's all about daring from now on. It wasn't so bad to begin with.
Now, for people like me, life doesn't get any easier when demands on your intellect increase without much financial promise. Honestly, I hate pressure without some sort of reward. And it's not like I owe them anything. However, that wasn't one of those times. I actually owed them this time, but I still wasn't enjoying the way they were going about it. And I told them as much, at least in my mind. The only words that came out sounded like, 'Please, give me some more time. I swear! I'm almost done!'
They believed me, so problem solved. At least for now. I am indeed almost done, but I'm not very good at demanding for stuff, even when it's rightfully mine. I've 'hired' a tough-as-nails law practitioner to teach me those skills. Make no mistake, this guy is far from soft! And this guy just loves to talk!

Then, at the end of the day, I decided to relax and unwind at a nice cozy spot. And a number of other people decided to relax and unwind alongside me at said spot. I didn't mind. They turned out to be a lively bunch. There weren't many jokes, but I think that's because some people find it hard to be amusing when it's chilly. Some people. I was firing on all cylinders until I realized that it's equally hard for said people to laugh under those same conditions. I fell back to one-liners.

The waiter kept coming to ask me for my order. I'd become pretty tired of it, but just to get on his nerves, I asked him for a cup. Yes, just a cup. He brought the cup. Then I asked him what good an empty cup is, and told him to hurry along and bring me a spoon. Spoon arrived pretty quickly too. I looked at him in disbelief! What am I to do with an empty cup and a spoon? I thought this was a coffee shop. As such, I thought coffee was the default choice of drink. He let out a deep sigh. You know, those long ones which show that you've finally understood something. Yeah, one of those ones. He did! I'm telling you! I also couldn't believe it had taken him that long. But what matters is that he finally brought the stuff. I thanked him so heartily that he looked back at me curiously. I bet he was wondering if I was actually going to pay for the stuff. I wasn't(wink). Why else would I be thanking him like that?

It was a lovely evening to end such a nervy day. And the coffee helped too. Oh, I had nothing against the waiter. The coffee was paid for. I just thought I'd humour myself, since my...um...table-mates had resigned from any more nonsense. I can always find humour when I need it, even if it has to come from 'unsuspecting' denizens.

P.S: This story is mostly fictional. I do not make fun of, tease, mistreat, or generally underate people working in important establishments. I don't. Really, I don't! Ask Edgar...

UBHH: Abduction

Let me start this 'speech' as though I'm an MC. First of all, I'd like to thank all the ladies and gentlemen who managed to attend UBHH yesterday. It was nice to see some blog-faces once again. Both old and new, young and...well... old. I must say some regulars were missing in this picture but we somehow managed without them.

Yeah, due to popular demand, I got there a little late. I arrived with the world-famous Nevender. We were quickly forgiven. It does help to move with world-famous people sometimes. Then I was in for a shocker. Rev's a daddy! Yay! He and Detamble were showcasing their latest creation. I checked. Yep, Rory does look like his daddy and mommy. I would have asked questions if I had reason to suspect otherwise. Didn't talk much with Rory though. He was too busy basking in his mom's attention. Perhaps we'll chat next time. Rev was so happy (to see us or to celebrate his fatherhood) that he got us drinks! Thanks...

I wonder what BHH is complete without either Dee or the King. This one was complete, for they were both there. Then there was a white chick whose response to my 'hello' was to hand me a thingy. Now, I'm a fan of noble causes, but that was swift! I told her as much. I think she laughed. Anyway, I moved on and stood face to face with (according to my books) a legend. The awesome Angela Kintu. I told her that I'm a fan. She said something that sounded like she's read about me (or my blog). Hey! I was excited, so forgive the fuzzy details. At least she'd heard of me. I went away smiling.

Rhino was in force too, and seemed to be deeply engrossed in some activity with a friend, whose name I've forgotten. Come to think of it, parts of that night have inexplicably vanished from my memory. Well, there was Johnny 23 and Normzo, who were similarly engrossed, but I was forced to interrupt them as well. They forgave me, and continued after I was done interrupting.

There was a delightful lady who told me she's Lorac. I wondered. She told me it's just Carol spelled backwards. I grinned sheepishly. We got along quite well. There was also a friend of Carol's, sorry, forgot the name. I really need my memory back. This is unusual for me. He was very entertaining. And yes, another legend was present. Sleek himself! Who'd have guessed he'd also be among us? Shya! Of course I would have guessed!

We were later joined by Dorene ('artist' formerly known as The Antipop) and still later, by Ivan M, another legend. It was getting crazy.
Having missed about 6 BHH's, this one was a good one to come back to. Let's keep up the 'blogspirit.'

A guy in black suit and shades is handing me a folder about my 'debriefing' earlier today. Let me run through it.

Oh! Well, this is beyond disappointing. Today's 5th of August! I slept on Thursday night on 28th of July. Did I sleep for an entire week?! I read on. Yeah, apparently, my disappearance was reported by my (um, how do I not make this sound ridiculous?) 'friend' Amanda. Mbu I missed an appointment with her on Saturday. I never miss my appointments with Amanda! No wonder she knew something was up. The suits are still investigating, but they tell me to report as soon as I start recollecting the 'events of that lost week.' Yeah, I might need to know what else happened. And I'd also want to know how on earth I ended up with a van dyke!



I'm off to the barber's to get this hideous thing off my face.