I AM NOT ANTI-SOCIAL… I’M ACTUALLY ‘SOCIALLY CHALLENGED’.

I live in a quiet, fantastic little world. There's a lot of interesting things that happen in this world, and I feel like Sindbad marooned on a fantasy island, with only a deadly Roc for company. Everything moves smoothly, like clockwork. Except for the odd random 'catch-up' sessions with long-lost friends, or female persons of interest, nothing changes. 

A lot of times I go to parties, just to convince myself I can still have a connection to the ‘normal’ world. I drink, I ‘chat’, or rather, I stand in a corner and have conversations in my head. Or I join a circle of people and start laughing randomly. Then there's the occasional awkward moment when you make a beeline to someone, and just as you're arriving, they receive a phone call and have to excuse themselves. Then you're left standing there wondering if you should wait for them to come back, or just stay there and own the spot. Either way, it looks foolish for you to leave just as you got there. When I'm at a party, one of the goals I have is to pick a spot and 'exist'. Yes, just be there. As long as I have my drink in my hand, it's all good. Since that barely works these days, it helps if there's some sort of gaming console at the venue. If there is, then I'm sorted.

I'm not rude. I'm not snobbish. And I'm not shy. But us quiet people tend to be mistaken for such. It's really not other people's fault. I'd think the same about those people who sit/stand alone in a corner, with the meanest of faces. Heck, if they don't want to socialize, that's their issue. 

My presence at a party defies logic. Why would I go to a social gathering, and not want to socialize? It doesn't make sense! I do want to socialize, in fact. I just don't know how to do it properly. And I'm not too fond of 'trial and error'. My main problem comes from the fact that a ‘normal’ conversation is actually hard work for me. It takes great effort to have a normal conversation. I do not excel in small talk. I do not like talking about fashion, Twitter, Facebook, the weather, politics, heck…not even Instagram. I’m even worse in arguments. I believe people are entitled to their opinions. Whenever an argument is brewing, I just shrug and say, ‘Yeah, whatever!’ and go get a refill. 

Of course one will make the assumption that I must like movies, at least. Well, I do. But mention the wrong list of movies and my mind goes numb. For example, I see this fly chic sitting with a bunch of other chics, or all by herself. I go to build rapport, so I start by talking about movies. So, I ask her what her favorite movie of the year was, and she says, 'Game of Thrones.' I'm like okay, common mistake. Movies get mixed up with series sometimes. No big deal. besides, it's a good choice. Then she asks me what mine is and I respond 'Pacific Rim' with the broadest of grins. She deftly flicks a few braids away from her cute face and brazenly asks, 'What's that?' Now, where do I go from there? 

Good thing there's always that jolly soul that makes things easy, and winds up being the most interesting person I talk to, besides myself of course. But that doesn't happen too often. When it does, it feels like walking into an air-conditioned supermarket on a hot afternoon.

I wonder where I can find a crash course on socializing. Honestly, I'm fed up of being called anti-social. You're using the wrong word! I have more rousing conversations with myself than I do with most people. So sue me. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure how I make friends!