Thursday, June 18, 2015

How to survive in Game of Thrones…

It's one of the most thrilling shows on television right now. It has got people so addicted and involved, I fear it might soon degenerate into a religion of sorts. SO far, people are pulling out hair, swearing revenge on the creator of the series, and having loud discussions about the fate and possibilities of several characters and situations. But perhaps the key factor about Game of Thrones' appeal, aside from the epic story, is the random deaths. Or is it random, unexpected deaths of hitherto important characters. One thing you quickly realize while watching this show is that anyone can die, in any way. So, for the sake of your heart (and sanity) try not to bond too much with any character, lest the malevolent creator does away with them and scoffs at you.

Now, for those people that find themselves within the world of Game of Thrones, I have some tips for you. Having watched 5 seasons of the show, a pattern has emerged. So, if you're a character in a show without job security, here's how to endure, and stay alive, hopefully for as long as the show will last. If you follow these, the only possible way you'll die is by Armageddon itself.

#1 - Don’t ever proclaim your relation to the Starks. The creator has an apparent disdain for the Starks, and so do everyone else in the show. If you're a Stark, it's wise to live quietly by another name. You could become a blacksmith or something. No one kills blacksmiths.

#2 - Be a man of your word. This show hates liars. Once you promise to marry a man's daughter, let not 'true love' get in the way of your promise. Oh, don't be in 'true love'. That is also dangerous in these parts. 

#3 - Be a sellsword. Live for no real allegiance. Want easy money and guaranteed safety? Go be a mercenary, get your deposit, march along with the rest of the army. On the eve of the great battle, just slink away in the cover of darkness. You'll peacefully retire on a beach somewhere and enjoy your life (hehe) regardless of the outcome of the battle you fled from. Cowards live longer. You best believe it.

#4 - Be a boring fringe character. Bumbling idiot will serve you just fine. Just as long as you don't spill drink on the bloodthirsty psychotic maniac, you'll live a long healthy life.

#5 - Be light on your moral feet. Move with the changing current. Loyalty is overrated. You must exist solely for your own survival, so try as much to agree with whatever someone powerful is saying. Convince them, and leave while the subterfuge lasts. Besides, the characters on the show have so far shown that they're incapable of sniffing out a double-agent, for the most part. 

#6 - Befriend the Lannisters, but don’t stand too close. Currently one of the safest places to be is in House Lannister. You could be the guy serving wine or washing royal robes. Anything to keep you within the palace, as long as no one knows your name.

#7 - When a disagreement breaks out in a bar/tavern, flee immediately. The level of escalation in this show is too high! One minute, comrades are laughing. The next, one comrade is being gutted by another comrade. You can't even trust comrades anymore. Even if they disagree about the size of a warhorse, vacate the premises immediately.

#8-If you know a kingdom-threatening secret, keep it to yourself until such a time as it proves necessary to tell it. Even so, make it seem like it’s just drunken talk. The rumour-mill should do the rest.

#9-As much as you love entertainment, avoid gatherings that have a huge number of skilled soldiers. The chances of dying by accident are extremely high.

#10 - Don't trust dragons. Fine, they are divine creatures, and a real marvel to behold. But be not mistaken. They are akin to prepubescent teenagers, capable of surprise tantrums, and largely unable to tell friend from foe. So, keep your distance. And if someone so happens to tame one, don't be fooled. The one who tames is the only one guaranteed (as if) safety. Don't assume that since it's in your midst, purring playfully, that you're safe. You will not see it coming. I promise you, you won't!

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