Of actors and puppets: Painted faces

Time check: 8:30am. Gotta pick it up. Now, where are those new shoes she bought? Ah, she's found them. Rowdy little things, moreover on their first day of duty. These shoes and the lovely floral dress are sure to stop many a man in their tracks! She'll make it a point to waltz in a little late, just to cement the point. 'They have to notice me,' she thinks. Someone will have to make a move after they get an eyeful of this!

Time: 9:15am. Now, where's that watch. No, not the Casio. It's not for days like this. Today's Omega. Exclusive timepiece, this. One would surely stare in amazement. He'll don the striped long-sleeve, folded enough to highlight the jewel on his wrist. Deo's up and running. Coupled with Clarks, he's off. He's sure to make it in time. This time, they won't be taking him so lightly!

9:50am. Crowd's piling. Almost time for the showdown. Drat, didn't notice the bean-soup stain from yesterday's supper. Ah, well, who'll notice. We're all here for the same reason, right? There, a little scratch got the most of it off. Good thing these jeans don't show the stain. Eh, today people are looking so prim and proper, you could think God's going to roll-call!

10am. Showtime. Doors open. The masses pour in. Soul-enriching music playing. Really peaceful atmosphere, this. Just what everyone needs at this time of the week. Wait, how come no ladies are coming to sit next to me? I think I chose the wrong seat. Perhaps I should move. Ah, all hope is not lost, for here comes a damsel. Boy, does she look fine. This is going on well.

"Turn to your neighbour and tell him/her how wonderful they look." A few shy glances later, and things are ok. One barely manages to say the words. She shrugs, unimpressed. Boy lacks finesse. If you won't do it right, why bother? He seems to think she's being proud, so doesn't try again. He's admitted failure. Perhaps better luck next time. She wonders, "Are all these guys that slow? Can't they see? Whatever, it's their loss." Bishop advances.

"You look wonderful." Oh, finally, an artful brother. She smiles, gives him a once over, and is quite contented. This ought to get her through the day. Meanwhile, sounds coming from the speakers barely register in their minds. By the way, do you have a pen? She checks. Oh ****, she mutters. He's astonished, but hides it quickly, with the usual dashing smile. It's like he didn't hear a thing. Goodness, she's located the pen. She hands it over. Knight takes bishop.

She can't seem to get her elbow out of the guy's side. It's not like the place's crowded. She just seems not to mind it. Who can blame her? It seems the deo's already working its magic. Those ads actually have some truth. He tries to listen to the proceedings of the event. Queen pins bishop.

Suddenly, phone rings. He forgot to put in in silent mode. He loses points. Radio belts his tunes. Talk of bad timing. She looks at him with a frown on her face. There goes the glorious afternoon, or so he thinks. Ignores the caller, coz he's pretty 'busy' right now. Besides, getting out to receive a call now won't help his purpose. Queen pins knight.

After the close of the event, it's finally time to 'socialize.' That can't be too hard. The problem is how to chat freely without spilling the fish soup. So, he starts with the classic ice-breaker, "Praise the Lord!" She responds with the customary 'Amen' and they proceed to engage in fruitless light banter. He brags about various titles in as many fellowships. She grins, and talks of numerous overnight prayers attended, coupled with countless prayer meetings. I didn't know conversation could be so vain! Surely, is that the only way to talk to a christian lady? Bragging? At least they come to agree on something: each one finds the other extremely boring. Rook takes bishop. Check!

Meanwhile, Miss Peacock isn't having it any easier. Surely, someone noticed. But when it comes to building rapport, this guy is none the wiser. Whoever told him compliments go a long way to charming the fair ones probably left something out. All that's coming out of his mouth are compliments. The hapless chap is gobsmacked. Has nothing to say more than, "Eh, kyokka you're smart!" No wonder the brothers are labelled slow. It's the empty tins that make the loudest noise. These guys should be trained in the sacred art of rapport. She turns on her heel and leaves, in total disgust. How could she have dressed to 'kill,' only to be approached by only one guy? An incompetent one at that! Stalemate.

Ah, the best laid schemes of mice and men...

If you think clothes make the man, take him to a restaurant. Post me your findings. I will gladly applaud you for the results of your tests.

Same script, different cast.