Thursday, September 24, 2009


Finally, the event you've all been hoping not to come,
But it has arrived anyway. Be there.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sigma 6: Bugandans

Deep in the heart of Kampala city, rioters have it turning in chaos. Regal and tribal drama. Teargas and military police trying to sort things out. Sigma 6 lurks in a dark corridor in a city high-rise. Mission: Classified.

Duke: Alright men, this is what we were trained to do. Though it comes as a surprise, we are ever ready.
Captain: What's your strategy, Sir? These goons have covered all exits. This building is a death trap.
Duke: Well said, since two have lost their lives here in the past week. We shall not add to that tally.
Captain: Ok. (Shouts to soldiers) Prepare to drop in 3, 2, 1...

Troops drop from Workers House, onto the chaos beneath..All guns blazing.

Duke: Tango squad, I need you to cover my flank. Captain, take point. We're headed north to Crane Chambers. Delta and Bravo, follow Maverick for extraction of our asset in Mutaasa Kafeero. Rendezvous ETA 15 minutes. Go, go, go!!

6 minutes later...

Crusher: Captain, we're taking heavy heavy fire. Request support from Delta team.
Captain: How many casualties?
Crusher: Six, sir.
Captain: Soldier, you're being careless.
Crusher: Casualties are not ours sir. They're the opposition. Nearest hospital is 6 clicks due north.
Captain: Delta team is on its way. And for Pete's sake, use suppression darts only.
Crusher: Roger. Over and out!


Maverick: Duke, asset is not at the extraction point. I repeat, asset is not at extraction point.
Duke: For how long has she been AWOL?
maverick: We don't know, Sir. We estimate about 2 minutes. Lots of rocks here. We think she ran for cover elsewhere.
Duke: Find her!

Captain: The riot police is interfering with our mission.
Duke: Patch me through to HQ.

Patches him through...
Duke: HQ, this is Duke, commander of Tango team, Sigma 6.
HQ: What's your status?
Duke: Local riot police interference with operation.
HQ: Authorization denied, non-responsive. Evacuate immediately.
Duke: Didn't catch that last statement. Over and out.

Captain: So, proceed as planned?
Duke: Aye.
(Sigma 6, all teams, this is Commander Duke. Local law enforcement has denied us authorization for our search and rescue. Citing conflict of interest. I'm not going to lie to you, but the rioters are armed to the socks. But it will be a cold day in hell before I leave my Baroness behind.

Ditch the suppression clips. We're going in hot. Shoot hostiles on sight, don't take prisoners, and don't become one.)


Friday, September 4, 2009

Blissful Trip

I live in Kiwatule. For the learned, this means that when coming from town, I'll inevitably have a stop-over in Ntinda before I can proceed. And that has been the trend for a while. Usually, there's nothing extraordinary about my journey, until yesterday.

It is rumoured that some guys are of such exceptional skill that they can chat up a total stranger of a lady and have her give them her phone number within three minutes. I once managed in around 20 minutes, so I'm a long shot from these 'legends.'

So, I get into the taxi, all loaded with Ipod and poker-face, when a belle gets in and seats herself next to me. Now I know the limitations of space in the back seat of a taxi, but this lady sat a little too close for initial comfort. I was gobsmacked. I hardly heard myself mutter a 'hi' and I'm not sure if she responded. Anti I was wearing earphones. But i saw her smile at me in response.

She seemed to prefer to sit with her body facing me, rather than the dude at the other end of the seat. I thought it had something to do with the eyeful of a profile that my face possesses. Her arm was on my arm, her knee on my knee, my eyes fixated on...the buildings that we kept speeding past. I couldn't help laughing at myself for being in thi position, yet being unable to act. I was truly and completely confined.

Some moments are just to be enjoyed while they last, however short they may be. Anyone who knows better is certain that the trip from Ntinda to Kiwatule barely lasts 10 minutes. Had it not been for the song I was listening to being so captivating, I would have certainly made a move...away from that seat. no offence really, but I'm just not good at talking to pretty ladies in a taxi.

Some guy who didn't know better once did that, moreover from town to Bweyogerere. Kati, the madam was really laughing at his jokes, complete with the fabled shoulder tap. The guy thought he'd struck gold. She, of course got out before him, in Kireka, smiled at the conductor and waved at him. He, obliviously, waved back. On reaching Bweyos, the guy gives conductor his 1k, to which the conductor retorted,"Eh, ate ezooli omukyala?" The guy wonders. Conductor reminds him of the lady he waved to.
It strikes him like a Muhammed Ali punch, straight to the temple. He's down for the count. He's been had! Sad thing is that his travels were on tight budget, so that meant no supper, no breakfast, and footing most of the way to town the next day.

I'm not saying I wouldn't part with a mere 300/= for such a belle, it's just not my style. We got out at the same stage. All hope was restored, but i thought better (or is it now worse) not to say anything apart from:

Me: Hi.
She: Hi.
Me: Welcome back. It was quite a trip.
She: Yes it was. What are you listening to?
Me: The sweet voice that sounds like a heavenly symphony.
She: (Chuckles) Why, thank you.
Me: You're welcome. Well, have a good night.
(We had reached a crossroads. We had to part, no matter what)
She: I wonder if...
Me: If it's meant to be, it will be.
(Curtains fall. Applause from crowd.)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Curious Derision..

I don't quite understand the logic of this whole thing. Why the charade? I met a lady I, I met this lady and, for all pretences, decided to unearth what she had been up to lately. She smiled curteously and claimed nothing much was happening.
I snickered. She countered by asking me why i had chucked her. That, right there, is where my problem is.

I mean, why wonder? Couldn't you have just called, or texted? She had to wait till she finds me (unexpectedly, of course) to put the blame of silence on me? We have
each other's contacts. It's not like when I buy airtime for 2k, I'm given 6k! We both share airtime honours. What thou loadeth, that ye shall receive, mais non? And why do they go for that one first? There must be a shortage of opening lines these days. Even someone you barely know will remark on how lost you are, or how you've chucked them.

Of course it varies depending on who says it. I was in a video library once, and the lovely lady there thought I looked familiar. I shrugged. She couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me where she'd seen me. I got my flicks and bolted. I was there again on an excursion some weeks later, find her there again, and she does the inevitable. "Hi, as you're lost." I almost counter with my personal favourite, "Really? Am I in the wrong place?" I fight off the temptation like a seasoned pugilist. How I wish that scenario had played out differently.

Perhaps I'd walk in, then she'd look up, into my gleaming eyes, and step forth into my waiting embrace. Then I'd tell her how I was in the area and decided to drop by 'to see if there are any new movies.' It's partly true. At least that's what could have been.
Well, since she notices that I've been lost, I think I should take her seriously...and find another library!

I wonder if my memory's failing, or I acquired celebrity status. I tend to meet a lot of people who know me, but i know zilch about them. And most of them are pretty ladies. You know, they smile and wave, flick their hair back, and all that girly stuff. One day, I will surely capitalize on the opportunity. We'll have a wholesome chat, laugh, grin, and then maybe I'll remember their names. Curious and curiouser.

I'm starting to collect possible responses to the phrases 'as you're lost' and 'some chucking' and so far this is what I've come up with. Feel free to add:

1. Perhaps there's a good reason, and I intend to keep it that way.
2. Waah! You're the one who's guilty!
3. Didn't you get my message?
4. I called, but you're line was busy. (Works every time!)
5. Anti you know, credit crunch.
6. Me?! I can never chuck you. I swear. (For the paranoid.)
7. (Silence, followed by..) Hmm.
8. Hmm..munange.. (Just that, then quickly change topic.)
9. Same to you.

Well, you can fill in the 10th, and send to me for marking.

Disclaimer: The views expressed are pure in nature. Any variations/impressions incured are entirely the responsibility of the reader.