Friday, August 12, 2016

How to spend your Sunday, according to Facebook timelines.

The subject matter, in most cases. It was either this, or a selfie.

Sundays are normally a day for one to kick back and relax after a (usually) stressful week and an energy-sapping Saturday. In fact, if you woke up on Sunday morning with a hangover, you could opt for other ‘civil’ activities that don’t make you feel guilty about not going to church. You know, something to aid you along your sow walk towards the mundane week that looms ahead. But you don’t have to be miserable as you wait for the inevitable. You need to do something to while the time away.  If nothing comes to mind apart from spending the day half-dead, watching a boring series on your laptop between periods of consciousness, you should consider being somewhere other than home. There’s a whole list of places to be but no matter where you are, here’s what you should do:

#1 - Be outdoors. If you can’t find a decent enough compound with plenty of shade, then a balcony will do. Just make sure you’re not surrounded by walls on all sides. There should be a free moving breeze, enough to blow the steam from your cup of tea in wisps. Also, there must be trees and/or flowers within your immediate periphery. Staring at trees in the distance doesn’t cut it.

#2 - Meet good friends. Good friends are those with whom you don’t need loud music to buffer periods of awkward silences. Normally, the quieter the music the better. After all, there’s still that lingering headache from the previous night to take into account. You seriously don’t need any more techno or trap music. Plus, you can talk about anything with good friends when the music is mellow.

#3 - Eat nice food. Chill those things of eating your regular rolex for lunch. That was only tasty last night when you were piss drunk. On Sunday, your appetite and sense of taste have fully returned and thus you must put them to good use. Find a place with gourmet food on some sort of discount, if you don’t have aspiring chefs for friends. If you do, you're in luck. These ones are always on the lookout for guinea pigs for their culinary experiments. And you’ll have little to complain about. You’ll be on the receiving end of some pretty awesome stuff cooked by a (semi)talented cook with a somewhat low self-esteem.

#4 - Drink a little. It could be wine or a bit of the stronger stuff, since you’re an adult. Are you 12 years old? Why are you taking soda on a Sunday afternoon? Take a few shots. You know, just to help with digestion. Not to get drunk. But you have to look civilized. You have to show the world that you are capable of drinking responsibly. Besides, there’s nothing like a little bliss to help take your mind off the stress that’s only a few hours away.

#5 - Make sure you’re with people of the opposite gender. There must be something in your life that doesn’t depict you as a sexist douche-bag who can’t have genuine friends of the opposite gender. Whatever the case, Sunday is not meant for such behaviour. You need to be a well-balanced person. If it’s not family you’re chilling with, it’s most definitely friends. Make sure you talk about that day so much that other friends (and assorted acquaintances) will be asking you (to join them or to join you) for plot next Sunday, seeing as you’re such an active person.

#6 - Take pictures. You’ve got to take plenty of pictures. And then choose a handful of the best ones to post on social media to show your friends how ‘full of life’ you are.